Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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