So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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