I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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