Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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