Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
