I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
