Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
