his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
