i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
