Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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