Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
