I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
