After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
