Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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