Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
