It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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