I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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