I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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