forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
