The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
