I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
