does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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