did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
