we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
