hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
actually, I'm a sock model
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
