I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
