I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
