I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
