whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
