You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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