her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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