I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
