And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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