Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
