I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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