just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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