Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
