awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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