so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
