Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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