the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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