Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
