so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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