Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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