there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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