I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
