I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
