It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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