I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
