why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do vagina's smell?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
