can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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